What time is it?

ohhhhh man that was a good nap! refreshing! I feel like a million bucks ... hey what time is it? wait, what? wait WHAT?? IT'S 2010??!? the FUTURE??? but ... but ... I JUST posted something! look, "September 13, 2008......" oh. shit. what are they putting in this common household cleanser I've been smoking, anyway?

new reviews soon! IT'S THE FUTURE, BISHES.

LOLZ to the wall

Sure, anyone can do "heavy," given enough high-wattage amplification, but not just anyone can do Mayyors' pile-driving juggernaut of heavy. It's not enough for them to make you survive their onslaught of guitar foulness--they pile on the dizzying Hawkwind-esque spacerock touches as well. On their 2nd 7" (Megan's LOLZ, lol!) as on their (excellent)first, the negative aggression blasts from the speakers as though pumped from a firehose. The Mayyors have done the math for you, which is: velocity x heavy = Melvins + the Fall. Hey. I just came up with that "Melvins/Fall" thing right now, but ... what the hell. I stand by that. A vomitous blast of hate, delivered with a menacing smile and packaged in unicorns and rainbows: I can ask for no more from my music. Oh, and Chris Woodhouse of Hospitals FM Knives/Karate Party fame and general purveyor of musical awesomeness is also a member of this band, if really you need another reason to get this record

Anyhow ... I'm a big ol' Mayyors groupie, can you tell. It would make my life if they would leave their sunny Left Coast home to come out this swing state and play (and in exchange I would promise to vote for the presidential candidate of their choice). You should definitely try to pick this up, not sure who all has (or had) 'em, but I got mine from here: http://www.mtstmtn.com/. You can try them, but the first one sold out right quick, and this one may have followed suit. Worth the effort. I'd direct you to their Myspace, but they seem to be charmingly anti-Internet.

Titmachine, appropriately-named band

Damn, that was fast Dave. I should crack the whip on you more often.

It took some googling for me to realize I had, in fact, heard the A-side of this 7” before—a friend had posted a video online for Palais Schaumberg’s original version of this song (“Wir bauen eine neue stadt” in German, that's "We Build a New City" for all ya'll American-speakers) somewhere for the Teutonic hilarity of the dancing. Then the song went in one ear and out the other, but now, Titmachine's sternly mechanical take on it forced me to listen. This 7” invokes all the bracing androgyny of Kleenex or fellow Netherlanders the Ex, with a bleak, gray Iron Curtain backdrop. Lunging ahead, all martial drums, menacing basslines, air-raid siren keyboard wails, and dementedly childlike vocals, this record is decidedly stronger on atmospherics than songcraft. But I like the headspace it puts me into for a few minutes, anyway. You know what’s weird? When I heard the B-side of this record, my first thought was, literally, “this would have been a far more appropriate soundtrack to the fall of the Berlin Wall than that shitty Jesus Jones song.” The name of the B-side turned out to be “1989.” Huh. Something tells me the ladies of Titmachine are on my wavelength.

Available now from Siltbreeze—LB

LPz by broken stringz (fun kiddiez)

Laura has been getting on my ass about not posting anything, so i guess its time to throw a new review on here or something, although i mostly like to not review things in favor of just posting stupid shit. This might an attempt at an actual review though.

Broken Strings - s/t (True Panther Sounds)

Heard this Broken Strings thing first in Seattle a few weeks back and thought it was pretty cool, so i picked up a copy at the local record store and have been spinning it pretty heavily since. Falls heavily into the genre of guy in his bedroom with a 4-track sort of thing, but oh well, at least he's not using a synthesizer or making shitty lo-fi Human League knockoffs. As far as I know its just one dude from Olympia, WA playing on the intstros.,. cool man. sort of Elephant sixish(the few good recs. from that scene), a little 84 Nash Kings of Yeah can be heard in there as well, yeah i kinda like this in the reddish slop pop. more acoustic gtrs. for real. lots o' samples and shit, funny stuff about surfing and depression, more, more, more acoustic gtrs. REALLY LOud vox. kinda twee, but not so much to make it overbearing. enuffz enuff of this.

300 copies pressed and i don't think its going that fast. where are all the nerds?

www.myspace.com/brokenstrangs

"let's go". - Rancid.

SINGLE-MINDED, Vol. 3 - Columbus Edition, Pt. 3

RTFO Bandwagon - "New Jack" 7" (Dull Knife)
The criticisms I've heard leveled at the RTFO Bandwagon kids range all the way from "They're hippies" to "They're hippies." But what's wrong with that? I've met a lot of very nice hippies, and they usually have good drugs. Maybe I'm softening up in my old age, but the youthful cheer and vigor in this 7" make my shriveled heart swell with joy. In any case--sweat their innocent facade all you like, but to deny the ambitious and genuinely infectious songcraft ("ambitious songcraft" makes it sound bad) would be a mistake. I definitely like them better in this latest incarnation, with Rich from Psychedelic Horseshit on drums adding punk and heaviness. Cynics step aside, happy is the new bummed! Best melodica-heavy hard-folk record you'll hear this year.

SINGLE-MINDED, Vol. 2 - Columbus Edition, Pt. 2

Address change in effect, Dave. Thanks for the tough love. I'm pretty sure all of my records have made it into my clutches safely and kept away from the young "hood rats," as you call them. The damage that could be done to their fragile young psyches should some incredibly depressing, limited-edition colored vinyl accidentally fall into their hands! The children, my god, the children!

Pink Reason "Winona" 7"(Woodsist), "Borrowed Time" 7" (Fashionable Idiots)
The A-side's stark, stately march towards desolation is some truly inspired gloom. It makes you feel every painful step, the deathly slow pace forcing you to look your shitty future in the eye the whole time. "I know the joke's on us, my friend" Kevin Debroux intones, and you know he's right. The B-side includes taut live favorite "Give it Away." It has the most ineffably catchy chorus I've ever heard. Try singing along with it. It's tricky.

In other, slightly-less-overwrought news, PR have another new 7 out alongside this one, "Borrowed Time" b/w "Scared Shitless." As much as I love the instantly memorable A-side, which reminds me of nothing so much as the Russian punk rock Debroux has claimed as a major influence on his band, I think that "Scared Shitless" is the clear favorite here for me. "Paranoia ... my only friend," Debroux wails over a thundering disco beat echoing from deepest hell. Paralyzing existential dread has never been so very danceable.

Laura, change the fucking address and we need more basement shows.

yeah, so laura if you want people to actually send you shit to review then you might want to change the address on the top of the page there. i'm sure the old house is just flooded with 7"s and LPs right now, so you might want to go check it out before some little 8 year old hood rat steals all of those artgay limited edition pink vinyl nerd ass records and sells them for some shwag ass weed that his big brother is hooking him up with. i'm just sayin'.

so, we need more basement, living room, backyard, roof or whatever the hell shows in columbus. I think its the summer of the house show. bourbon st. may never reopen, but i think this is a great time to take advantage of that fact and put together as many house show/party events as we possibly can. you know, do it for the kids. i wanna be a kid again.

june 19th- plexi 3, fighting weight and outer spacist@ saltair 2 -71 W. Tulane. Party!!!

june 30th - nobunny, okmoniks, grave blankets, night of pleasure@ tba house, maybe saltair again. Party!!!

July, August etc.- A lot more partying and house shows.- i will promise you Windcatcher, Daycreeper, prob. Unholy 2 'cuz Turco wants 'em, Northwest Ordinance, and any other band who wants to party and play a badass house show in Columbus.

here's one record I like that I was a bit lukewarm on initially:

Headache City- Teenage Grease 7"- F'n rocks dude.

SINGLE MINDED, Vol. 1 - Columbus Edition, Pt. 1

I am going broke here, people. The glut of quality releases this spring is killing me. People are either gonna have to start sending me records to review for free, or I'm gonna have to order the collective musical community to turn off its gushing spigot of creativity. Here are some singles I DID get for free, hence the glowing reviews below. Just kidding. I'm reviewing them glowingly because they are good and important, AND because I got them for free.

UNHOLY 2 - "Kutter" 7" (CDR)
If there are two things, holy or unholy, that the Unholy 2's Chris Lutzko enjoys, it's pro wrestling and Pussy Galore. If there are two MORE things I know he enjoys, it's a good afterparty and ... pussy galore. All of these influences can be heard on his band's debut 7" on Columbus Discount. It's faux-aggressive posturing on the one hand, but on the other, it's a genuinely raucous good time. The A-side's screechy intro is Melvins-style sludge, and on first listen way too long, but then you see the logic as it builds into a raging sleaze anthem of mosh-pit proportions (seriously, I can see the crowd down front at Lollapalooza '91 going nuts when they hit the chorus). Is the flip, "Porky's," about bad-boy hijinks with the guys? Who knows? Lutzko himself says in a recent interview, "The A-side is about how girls can't rock. The B-side lets you know where you can find 'em." Crass-ish skittering drums propel Lutzko's ranting about (pick one): Amerikkka, girls, Israel, Planned Parenthood, your sucky band, his band's awesomeness, partying, pro wrestling, and/or girls. It may not match the bombast or sheer sonic pain of their live sets, but until they spread their gospel of smut to your town in person, this virgin white (the color, not the vinyl) 7" release will do.